old friends

You ever run into people and through explaining what you've done over the past years, you realize how you're a completely different person than what you used to be? This is a rhetorical question because no one reads this bastard... yeah.

It's just insane to think who I was and who I am. I can actually let myself be happy now. I mean, not saying it's not a struggle, because it is. I'm just saying every fucking moment of my life is purpose filled and not like in a religious, "I need to create an ominous figure to fill purposeful." way. I'm saying I know what's right and I feel good on a daily basis making those things happen around me. It feels good to do good and know it will prolly never repay you. I think that's my main hang up on Christianity, not the philosophy but the organized cult aspect. People don't do things cause it's good, they trick themselves into thinking that if they do good, they will be rewarded for it later on. Why do you need to be rewarded to do good if you are truly good? What if god came down and was like, "Even if you obey me, you will still burn forever and i will take away everything you ever loved." How many Christians would throw in the towel and start fucking, fighting, drinking, swearing, raping, stealing, etc. I mean, seriously... why do you need someone or something to give you a reward for doing good? You know what's good mostly just by interacting with other human beings, you know how you get treated and you know how you want to be treated. Why do you need a reward to follow through with that? I don't know, it's pretty fucking selfish, the whole idea... worship, serve, but at the same time reward? It's a trick into thinking you're not doing the selfish thing by the first two actions but the real reason most follow the rules is because of the last. Yeah, we don't mind doing good, but we better get all our community hours counted so we don't end up serving time, know what i mean?

Anyway, the point of this whole conversation was for me to state, I was an idiot a long time ago and I'm kind of still an idiot. The difference is now i strive for something bigger than me and that really makes me happy. It was something i couldn't find a long time ago through whatever drugs i took and whatever alcohol i consumed. I'm glad i found peace. i didn't mean for this blog to turn into a rant on religion, but i see liars and fakes spiting snakes covered in bible verses every day. it's sicking to take something and twist it till it covers your body of lies.