So I half ass'd it, hopefully that won't be my legacy

So I'm 22. Michael and I play in a band with kids, two 16 year old's and one 17 year old.

It feels strange that the maturity I could not find in my peers after graduation I found in some kids. Maybe it's not maturity, this is going to sound pretty lame but I was watching mr. magorium's wonder emporium this morning and it struck a strange chord with me. I remember when i was young and life seemed limitless. Nothing was defined and the world was waiting to be tread beneath my heel. I was going to do lots of great things and become a great person. Somewhere along the way I lost that vast foresight and fell into everyday life. School was monotomy. This dumb wake up, sit up, listen, take test, go to bed pattern I had to repeat for thirteen years. The social side of school was disheartening too. Kids can be cruel and mean. So I guess I lost that "neverending story" mentatility. I became broken like a horse or the cattle being fattened in the fields. Most of my friends turned to drugs and alcohol cause they felt that was the only way to realize the wonder the world had to offer. I think it was life that broke them, when we were kids did we need drugs to be amazed by things? Or was the world amazing to new fresh eyes that understood the genuis of it all. I mean, we breathe, we love, we walk and talk, we think, we write, we are shitloads of potential encased in flesh. Why is the world not good enough to us? I'm not talking about god or religion, just saying. it's fucking sweet to be human. Even with time not being on our sides, we get a chunk of change to play with. By saying all this, I'm nto saying I'm better than anyone. I'm a fuck-up, I half ass everything, I neglect those who care about me, I'm naturally rude, and sometimes it's a struggle for me to be empathetic towards others(not towards kids starving in other countries, child labor laws being raped, the homeless, or other generally fucked up situations around the world) I try not to be those things. I really do. I spend a lot of my day reflecting on personal decisions made and art made, which includes for lft. I want to be bigger than me, I want lft to be something bigger than my flaws and human error. I want it to be art, something out of context to the human desease. But it's dumb, art is the human desease. It's every blemish and freckle, every foul smell and heinous choice. Damn me, I'm everywhere but still somehow not where I want to be.